DO STUPID PEOPLE HAVE MORE SEX?

Hello Island Natives!

I don't know if it was the endless sunshine or the polluted air that made everyone so horny, but living in MAKATI, I never had trouble getting laid. Sure, most of the guys are as dumb as a box of hammers, but it's not like you can make a monogamous relationship work anyway. So why worry about it?

Now that I live in Makati, where everyone likes to think they are more sophisticated, I still haven't had any trouble getting laid. I have noticed, however, that even in an allegedly smarter environment, guys with more muscles and dimples than brains always get quick action. No one is scrambling to marry these guys, but I have to wonder: Are the rest of us too smart for our own sexual good? They say an unexamined life is not worth living, but upon further examination, I can't help noticing that people who lead unexamined lives seem to get laid a lot more often.

I don't think blondes have more fun, per se, but since blonde is code for stupid, I have to agree that stupid people do have more fun. From the get-go, people whose minds aren't cluttered with concerns about ARROYO's 2-child policy, the crongress' endless politicking or the abject poverty of our country probably find it easier to laugh at "PALIBHASA LALAKE" reruns.

Almost every week in Malate, I had the opportunity to view the behavior of gay men up close. Not that living in MAKATI didn't give me a lot of insight, but closet models, "male" celebrities and wannabe actors aren't considered a diverse cross-section of gay culture outside of a petri dish. With gay men from all over Manila in the streets' gutters and cramped bars, it was like a social scientist's wet dream, a crucible of bottled sexual energy.

With nothing to do but eat, drink and be Mary, I noticed, even among my friends, a dangerously rapid drop in brain power. I remember one night, we met one guy at the beginning of a wild party who was very attractive and seemed reasonably intelligent. By the time we gulped almost three bottles of San Mig StrongIce, he was borderline retarded, with the carefree personality of a Smurf crossed with a pool toy.

I have always thought that the experience available to us in all-gay circumstances like urban ghettos and gay vacations is like high school redux. Being in an all-gay environment creates opportunities to replay our past while allowing us to cast ourselves in new roles. Since nearly everyone in my general age range and older was in the closet in high school and missed out on a lot of the social machinations, being in this gay environment allows them to be the snotty cheerleader or football player they always wished they could be. Why come together as a community when there are geeks to be tormented?

Ever since "Charlie's Angels" ushered in jiggle television, the gay male population has jiggled right along with it. The macho man late '70s dissolved into the '80s' Soloflex guy and the 1984 Men's Gymnastics team, which sporty spiced us right into the current A&F revolution. The circuit boys lead the dumb jock charge into the new millennium where drugs and unsafe sex are the new red badges of cool. Maybe it is all about the myth of straight guy seduction, where clearly the straight guy involved is so dumb he doesn't realize he is participating in gay sex. In order to fulfill their straight-acting destiny, it is imperative that gay men drop their IQ at a pace that would make the Microsoft stock price look like a leisurely decline. So forget everything you ever heard about the mind being the most important sex organ. It has never been sexier to be stupid. Heaven help us all.